Waiting and Reading

I've broken up from Exeter for the Easter holidays. But it doesn't feel like a holiday.

On Thursday I completed two application forms for PhD funding (one at Exeter and one at Queen Mary). I cannot believe that I have even considered such an idea. It quite frankly didn't seem possible. Since starting reading at the beginning of February my ideas for a possible PhD research topic have evolved a bit. I began with looking at narratives and their existence in design, focussing on architecture. I then moved to travelling with a bid to examine travel philosophy and its place in the rehearsal environment. I then moved from that to Psychogeography before finally deciding to examine the backpacker and their relation to ambulatory performance. But as my Professor puts it, we're still all feeling around in the dark. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing.

To be honest I'm torn. I know that if I get offered the funding I will have to take it because its rare that it happens. However, it does mean that I will be living in the world of accademia for three more years. If I don't get it, career-wise it'll be harder but it would encourage me to stick a pack on my back and leave the country. I'm not ready to settle down, find a 9-5 job and thats it. Not yet. There's still a lot for me to do.

Went home last weekend and saw two of my heroes on stage. Ian McKellen and Patrick Stewart. I still cannot believe I saw these two giants together before my eyes doing star jumps on stage in Waiting for Godot. Its a classic, but a classic that has been done to death my many students over the years. However, Paddy and Ian were fantastic, and I felt very lucky to be able to see them.

I have a big map of new zealand on my wall right next to me. There's a pin in Wellington. This is my back up. If I get rejected from both Exeter and QMU, New Zealand will be my last chance this year. There, I would get to travel and study and not feel torn. However, its more of a leap than what I'm currently hoping for. I mentioned this to my professor, and he reckons I should go for it.

Nevertheless, I am really setting in to the department here at Exeter. I've been keeping myself busy, as usual, doing rehearsed readings and performances. I'm currently helping Judith with her applied theatre project, Lauren with her clowning shakespeare project, Ioannis with his PhD project and have just got a part in a 70s cop series entitled 'Shields of Justice' which will be filming this Easter, which I'm excited about because I always enjoy short films. 

This enters me into a further difficulty. I don't know if I can do a PhD here without the guys I'm studying with. All my life I have been very lucky with the people I've worked with. There are only 6 of us on my course, but they are all truly remarkable and wonderful individuals; intelligent, well read and most importantly hilarious. We went for a picnic yesterday (its not snowing anymore) which was lovely, soaking up some Vitamin D and swatting bees.

So at the moment, I'm waiting. Waiting to see if Exeter will accept me for an interview, and reading, just in case they do. Its the calm before the storm. However, until the storm arrives I'm enjoying this sunshine.